Dizzy Izzy and the Future America's Most Wanted

After Izzy spent a few days with me, we talked and decided that leaving the marriage without trying one more time with her husband was not what she really wanted. So Izzy went home...

Of course Thanksgiving was around the corner, so instead of going to spend it with my family, I opted to go to Izzy's. I never thought I would be so entertained!!! Izzy suggested I make a weekend of it because I would probably spend my entire holiday with her anyway, so I agreed and packed a bag.

Upon my arrival I was greeted with the general hellos from husband, his mother, grandmother, cousins, his son, and Izzy. Everything seemed normal except stepson decided he did not want to eat dinner with the family. Well, he was pulled away from the TV (his favorite place) and told to eat now or he would not eat at all. It was a delicious dinner, but Izzy warned that I should leave some room because we were going to husband's uncle on mother's side and aunt on father's side houses. After about two hours we loaded up in three cars and set off to the next location. Everything seemed okay, but Izzy was quiet. I didn't bother to ask what was wrong because I knew that she would tell me. After 4 hour of sitting around with old people (no offense), we went to the next house.

Finally, this house had more action and booze (Absolut and cranberry). Izzy and made ourselves a drink and sat back to enjoy the company of old drunk people... We returned to Izzy's and everyone went to bed.

The next morning I woke up and found everyone doing their own thing, but Izzy was nowhere to be found. I asked husband where she was and he said in bed and then looked at me and asked, "what's wrong with your friend?" I just looked at him and headed to their bedroom. I knocked on the door and opened it to find Izzy still in bed. We didn't drink that much so I knew something was wrong. Izzy said that I can't deal with people who are always expecting me to be the loud ghetto person baby mama is...I was puzzled. I asked her what the hell she was talking about. She said that apparently the in-laws were talking about how she isn't overly talkative. I said you just keep being who you are and don't try to be how someone else wants you to be... She smiled and I said now brush your teeth because yo breath is kickin! ;)

The next morning mother-in-law decided she wanted to take stepson to the movies since she only sees him twice a year. So Izzy and I were sitting in the TV room with her husband's cousin talking with mother-in-law came in and asked if Izzy could help her pick out something for stepson to wear and to call him inside (he was playing with a friend next door). Mother-in-law said that she didn't want to deal with his attitude. Izzy got up and called him in to get ready. When he finished dressing mother-in-law said something to the effect to cleaning his nose because it was runny. Stepson began to show his ass! He talked backed, rolled his eyes, and huffed or what he did. Mother-in-law was shocked and snapped on his ass. After she walked out the room he rolled his eyes and Izzy told him do what your grandmother said. He talked back to her. Cousin went off on him. I just sat there watching the show...Izzy said nothing while cousing put him in his place. Izzy got up and set in the sitting room with husband's grandmother. Cousin and I joined them. Cousin was mad and grandmother calmly quoted the bible, something to the effect that with each generation, they get worse. Because stepson wasn't really around us the entire time, but he was with his grandmother (mother-in-law) and great-grandmother, we did not know he had been so disrespectful the entire weekend. Of course where was husband. Well, in his defense, his uncle had requested that they play basketball and his mother was not telling him about how disrespectful stepson was being to her.

Later that afternoon Izzy called me in her room and closed the door. I said take a look at this. It was a note from stepson's teacher that stated that he was being disrespectful to the student and teachers. He had a U for Listening. And he got a 77 on a test. All this happened after she came back and Izzy and husband reconciled. Baby mama signed the note and did not even call husband to tell him about it. (That's what she always does when he gets in trouble and on top of it she doesn't do any form of discipline for the behavior). Izzy also said the week before she left, stepson told his father that he wanted him to be baby mama's boyfriend (as far as we know she is dating someone). Everything that Izzy said was going on was really going on.

It was quite clear, that stepson was acting terrible to her and telling lies on her before she went away just to create a wedge between husband and Izzy. And it worked because husband fell for it and Izzy left. I can only assume that with her return stepson was mad and has been showing his ass!

UPDATE: Stepson is on punishment because husband went to conference with teacher and she said that he is out of control. Unfortunately punishment is only really enforced at Izzy and husband's and I can't say why baby mama isn't doing anything. It's really sad because it is quite clear that stepson has been labeled as a behavior problem already. Husband is concerned that stepson will cause problems with any children that he and Izzy may have in the future.

Ghetto Tricks

Well, the custody battle has begun... Apparently Country Ghetto decided that she wanted to keep her son, so she filed a motion to change the custody arrangement. The court grant her temp. custody and Single Dad had to give his son to her. She kept godson for 4 months without allowing Single Dad to see him or pick him up for his visitation. When he told me this I could not believe it. Now keep in mind I met Country Ghetto first and befriended her. Then of course I became friends with SD because that was her husband (trust me no romantic interests at all in him!).

Well Single Dad wasn't going to stand for the custody change, so he filed his motion and now he has temp. custody. Just so you understand why I agree with Single Dad, while my godson was with his mother, he was injured again and had to get 8 or 9 stitches (SD couldn't make out how many) on his face AGAIN!!! This makes no sense when he is just 4 years old and he has had stitches on his face twice. And while he was at Country's house she had no real child care arrangements. Luckily Single Dad sacrificed and paid for daycare just to keep his slot until he returned. Single Dad is now working with his attorney to get witnesses to testify the negative impact on the visits with Country. I was she would just stop playing games with her son. I just called Single Dad to make sure godson is back with him after he went to spend Thanksgiving with Country Ghetto...

I am a Ram!!!

People born in the Year of Ram are elegant and highly accomplished in the arts. They seem to be, at first glance, better off than those born in the zodiac's other years. But ram year people are often shy, pessimistic, and puzzled about life. They are usually deeply religious, yet timid by nature. Sometimes clumsy in speech, they are always passionate about what they do and what they believe in. Ram people never have to worry about having the best in life for their abilities make money for them, and they are able to enjoy the creature comforts that they like. Ram people are wise, gentle, and compassionate. They are compatible with Rabbits, Pigs, and Horses.

Just browsing the web and found the site. You know how you sit in the chinese restaurant and find what you are...this is definitely me.

What are you? http://www.c-c-c.org/chineseculture/zodiac/zodiac.html

Izzy has left the building

I must write this now while she is sleeping. After I finished writing earlier about Single Dad and Country, I got a ring at my door. It was Izzy!

Apparently Izzy had enough. She realized why stay, so she left. Apparently her husband just doesn't get it.
Situation: Izzy asked him while stepson was gone playing to come in their bedroom and lay down with her. He just ignored her and kept watching TV. Izzy was through and unleashed the tiger on him. She told him that she was tired of being loving when he wanted and he said yes that this relationship was based on what he wanted. She said when he said that she felt her heart break into a million pieces, as she told me this I watched a million tears run down her face. It was like watching all her love wash away. I started to cry. I remember when they met, I remember how much in love they were, I remember so much, but I forgot it all as I saw this person who I just didn't know fall apart. I gave her a drink and sent her to bed. I stood by the door and heard her crying. I feel really bad because there's nothing I can do for her except just be there and that doesn't seem like enough. I couldn't take seeing her like that anymore, how selfish of me. And now I am sitting here sharing it to strangers surfing the blog pages.

I find myself crying just as much as Izzy because I can only imagine the pain she feels as she watches this marriage fall apart. I remember how she felt when she broke up with her exboyfriend before she met her husband. She puts all of her heart in these stupid men and for whatever reason they just stomp all over it. That's why I am a permanent bachlorette for life. I have enough of watching people get divorced or breaking up. You can call me scared but romance has died and I am not going to be the one to try to being it back to life.

Let me tend to Izzy, she needs me. And I need a drink. Anyone up for one...we're drinking absolut and cranberry, Izzy's favorite. I think she'll like that ;).

Single Dad and Country Ghetto

Okay, I do have another friend, Single Dad, to write about, but I didn't start out being his friend. I actually use to go to school with his ex wife, Country Ghetto. We only knew each other briefly before she proclaimed that I would be her daughters godmother. I was flattered and accepted. I did not know what type of person she was slightly dishonest, deceptive, and cruel. She had married her husband before she started school, but she wasn't committed to it, so her daughter was an excuse to drop out. My lovely goddaughter was born and instantly all those things I did not know about Country Ghetto came out.

SD and CG had problems galore, but I didn't realize it until one day I went to their house and found my young goddaughter in the livingroom of their unlocked house wandering around without a diaper. I picked her up and noticed stitches on her face. I began walking through the house calling for her mother because SD was at work. I found Country sleep in their bedroom. I woke her up and chastised her for leaving her daughter alone and I questioned her about the stitches. She told me that it was nothing, but Single Dad got mad for no reason. I found out the truth...she lied to him about what happened. THE TRUTH: My lovely goddaughter got the stitches when yet again her mother was not watching her. I was furious, but said nothing. Single Dad began calling me because he thought that maybe I could talk some sense into Country and help her be a better mother. NO LUCK!

The two of them began arguing because they argeed as long as she took care of their daughter, Country could stay at home, but if she wanted to go back to school she could. Single Dad stressed that if their daughter go hurt again then clearly she was not watching her and that she would have to go to daycare. Country agreed that maybe she should go to daycare and began to fill out the paperwork to go back to school, but that was another LIE! She claimed that she could not make appointments to meet with admissions and the dean because she had no one to watch the baby. I was upset when she told me that, so I asked did you ever call me? I told her you can call me when you want to go out to dinner or go shopping (but really I was doing all the buying but that was fine because I made sure I only bought things for my precious goddaughter), but when you need help with this you don't even ask. I was through. Apparently I wasn't the only one. Single Dad was through also. He was tired of the lies that she was telling and decided he had to leave not just for himself, but for his daughter.

When he left they made a big scene and I walked in on it by accident. I was in the dark for about a month about what was really going on, but when I walked in to find them yelling at each other with the baby being pulled in two directions. Honestly one had her in his arms and the other was pulling her out. I walked over and took my goddaughter from them both and said you both need to stop right now!!! They both a calmed down, I think they were a little embarrassed, and Single Dad continued to tote his and his daughter's things to the car. Country sat down and began babbling about what he was trying to do of course I knew that she was lying. I asked if it was okay for him to take the baby and she did not object. When Single Dad came back in I handed my goddaughter to him and said you can take her, it's fine with Country.

They had a terrible divorce, but when it was finalized I was happy for all three of them. Of course this story goes on, but my fingers are tired...

The Disappearing Tiger

I have tried to keep my discussion of Izzy to a minimum, but it seems that her situation is the only one of interest I have right now...that's unusual for me. I normally have drama friends everywhere. So here is the latest news on Izzy as of this morning, maybe I should give her a spa day.

Izzy has decided to take a hands off approach of her stepson. Her interaction is at a minimum and she says very little to her husband. He could tell something was bothering her this morning, but she told him it was nothing. She said she has been sitting in their room most of yesterday and hasn't said much to either of them. She says they seem happier even though she feels lonely. She says she rather have it that way just so her husband and stepson can be happy.

I think that's such a DUMB idea, but it's not my life and all I can do is tell her what I think and support her decision. I told her that she can't go on just sitting in the room alone, but she seems to think it will work. She has plan how to make it work, again I think it is so DUMB!!! She said that she will stay at work later, especially on the days when her stepson is there and even when he's not. She thinks in general her husband doesn't like being around her, so she is just going to give him his space. Actually he said that he doesn't like coming home, so it's not like she's making some random assumption. I can't understand my friend. I've known her for at least 10 years and she use to be the tiger of a person, but now when I look in her eyes and talk to her and it's like she's not even there. I miss her sometimes, actually I miss her all the time. I wish she would come back.

Here is something else that Izzy told me and it made me cry...Her husband asked why she loved him, so of course she told him, but the things she listed had nothing to do with their relationship. After she gave her list she was going to ask him what he loved about her, but she didn't. I asked her why and she said because she was scared that he would say that there nothing he loved about her. Even writing this makes me cry again. Here's a hug for you Izzy.

Izzy is just tired and I am scared that she is drifting into a depression and that would not be good. Izzy asked her husband to focus on their relationship and confused, he said what did she mean. She said that they have relationship separate from everyone else that he needed to focus on it, but he kept saying that it was not separate because his son was part of it. Izzy said she felt herself get angry, but she calmed herself and said that that was another relationship. She said that "there are four relationships in this house - yours and mine, you and your son, me and your son, and then the three of us." She told him that they needed to work on theirs and theirs only before they can go tackling the other three. He didn't get it, as always, and the discussion was over. She let it go, she told me there was point to talk to him, he never gets it anyway. She has resolved herself to being the root of the problem, but really I don't think that's the case. I'll get on that soap box another day...

I suggested she start a blog page, but she says after reading mine I can just do it for her. She thinks writing it will only make her angrier and hate her life. I think it will help her sort out somethings, maybe she will change her mind.

Slow Day at the Home Front

So today was a slow day and I don't have much to say. I guess I could give an update on Izzy...

First thanks for the advice from another Stepmom for Izzy (When I learn how to link then I will link her page). Izzy and I had a Kleenex fest as we talked, read, and drank some wine. Apparently Izzy and her husband had a "talk." They talked about everything - their marriage, his son, his baby mama, and just their lives in general. Of course after their talk, we talked and let's just say that Izzy just feels like everything is going to be the same old, same old. Izzy is a beautiful and young woman (she's actually 7 years younger than her husband), but her heart is heavy and full like she's 80 years old. Husband is a nice guy and in my opinion, too nice to the wrong people. Izzy of course is the unfortunate one who does not get to enjoy the nice guy. When husband has a bad day at work or baby mama is tripping, he is nice to them and then he just ignores Izzy.

Izzy and her husband had a discussion on the fact that he blames her for their relationship. He says that his son is not doing anything wrong and it is all her. Izzy asked her husband if he understood that they had a relationship separate from his son and he kept saying no they did not. Izzy yet again frustrated said she began to cry because she understood that her husband would never see the problems that his son has with her. Her husband says if is all her and he thinks that maybe their marriage is not going to work. Izzy just feels really bad inside and she is to a point where she just doesn't even want to talk to him.

I was over at her house and I saw the son in action. He came home from school and didn't even acknowledge her. Izzy said he will tell his father good morning and just say nothing to her and she will be standing right beside him. She of course corrects him, but her husband says nothing and when she raises that to him later...he says it's nothing. NOTHING!!! His son is so disrepectful and he lets him get away with it. Izzy feels like his son believes if he ignores her she will just disappear. Izzy feels nervous in her own house and she says her husband thinks that she is overbearing. In fact his obviously plays him when the two of them are together, trust me I have seen this one in action. Her husband throws it in her face that she treats him differently then other children he sees her around. Izzy just shakes her head because what's the point. She told me that those other child are respectful. She says the clear difference between them and stepson is that they don't live with her and she doesn't see her neices and nephews often enough to impose on them. Trust me she pulls their parents aside and tells them about their kids and the parents don't get pissed the way her husband does and says its all her fault.

I gave this to Izzy to just read everyday because I know she gets so upset...

God, grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change...
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will.
That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
Amen.

AMEN!

Stupid People - How do you break the news to them?

I am not one to call people names, but I have to ask a question that was posed to me about "stupid" people.

I was talking to my friend who is older and the people who she works with are slightly older or because of their jobs they SHOULD act mature. My friend tells me how immature her coworkers behave. They sleep around like they are childish teenagers, they hangout in clicks, and they get into fights when they go out and get drunk. Their jobs require them to have a near blemish free record, so everyone just keeps their mouths shut to outsiders. Of course the rumors spread quickly at the office, but the people who the rumors are about act like no one knows. My question is how do you tell someone they are stupid or what they are doing is stupid??? I am not always kind with my words and I can be a bit sarcastic, so I want warn you now before you read my suggestions.

I suggested just saying the following whenever someone does or says something stupid:

"Do you realize how stupid you are or are you just too stupid to realize it?"
"I know that what you are doing was okay in high school, but do you realize that we are not in high school?"
or
Just say nothing at all and find a new job where you have "normal" co-workers.

"Stepmom"

Okay, today I was talking to my best friend and she was telling about her issues being a stepmother. Let's see if anyone can offer any advice to help me so I can help her because I just don't know what she should do...

I love Julia Roberts and I think the movie "Stepmom" had some of the issues that are at the root of my friend's situation.

My friend, who we will call Isabel, is having problems with her husband, his son, and the baby mama. The husband wants to constantly appease the baby mama by making sure she is always "happy," so she does not flip out. You must also know that baby mama admitted that she got pregnant and decided to keep their son as a ploy to keep him. I am omitting the list of things that she has done to Isabel or her husband, but at least twice a year she flips out big time. Isabel's husband wants to appease his son (You will hear about his issues shortly). My friend on the other hand has assisted in helping his son be a top student, showing him responsibility and respect, and also how to be compassionate and empathetic.

Isabel is not a perfect person, but she has been on the receiving end of phone harassment, physical treats, lies and false accusations. Isabel has made it clear to her husband that she will not allow baby mama's irrational behavior to control how their lives. She does not want baby mama in their home and does not want her to call their home phone, but rather only use her husband's cell phone. Isabel has also been the subject of his son's lies and false accusations. She is in fear to the extent that he will lie. She has raised that concern and her husband seems not to understand the ramification of his son's lies on their lives. He has made accusations that she has hit him in a manner that was borderline abusive. He has gone as far to state that he does not like her being in the house, but then wants to spend time with her and gets upset if she does not play with him or pay attention to him. Isabel stays in constant fear that when she comes home from work of what other accusations that he may make or what mood he is in. Each time her husband acknowledges that the accusations are false or an attempt to put the two against each other. Because of Isabel's job, any accusations by a minor child could place her work and livelihood in jeopardy. Isabel has reminded her husband that he can stop or reduce the problems with baby mama and, by domino effect, his son if he just puts his foot down.

Isabel is not around whenever he speaks to baby mama, but she suspects that he does not have her back and basically leaves her out there to the wind. Even though Isabel loves her husband, she is fearful that when they begin to have children that he will not protect them from anything that his son or baby mama may say or do to them. She fears that it may cause a division in her household and feels that her husband must stand up.

Isabel does not know what to do. They have been married for 3 years and she is questioning whether she should stay. Isabel has put off having children because she thinks that if she waits long enough so that his son is almost 18 that their children would be too young to remember any of the craziness that inevitably occurs with the situation. So give me your thoughts. Here are mine...

I suggest that Isabel, her husband, and his son talk about the situation before another day continues. I have suggested to Isabel that maybe the son needs counseling, she told me that baby mama got upset and stated that "her son did not have any problems!" I disagree...I think the son is showing obvious signs that he is in need of counseling, they all do, but I doubt the mother would ever show up. I do agree that her husband needs to stand up, if he allows himself to constantly adjust to appease the mother and son, they will continue to manipulate the situation. He must understand the situation that the mother will never be happy, so no matter what he does she will always try to inject problems into the home. It may be as simple as making a comment to the son, so that it upsets him and he of course acts out towards his father or Isabel. I argee that the husband is the root of the problems. Their problems will continue until he makes a stand and however he can make it clear that she cannot and will not rule their household.

Izzy, my dear, I can tell when we talk that you are not happy but you love your husband so much and he feels the same. I won't advocate leaving, but if he does not look out for you, then my sister you must do whatever to protect you life.

From time to time I will write about Isabel with her permission because she seems to have some problems that I have the hardest time giving advice.

Why I am "Beautiful Legacy"

I know some of you are wondering why beautiful legacy? I am the product of two of the greatest and worst people that I know. The worst parts of them helps me learn what not to do and the greatest parts helps me know what to do. Even though they are not with me now as I journey through life, the things that I have learned from them has helped me grow into this beautiful person, I am their beautiful legacy. I pay respect to them with my life that I live - thank you and I love you!

Beautiful Legacy

After seeing everyone doing this I decided that this is a good place to share my thoughts. I feel so overwhelmed as I counsel others in their lives and my life goes on without conflict or issues. I do not always think that I give the best advice, but people see me as the source of wisdom and knowledge. I fear that I may be leading them to the wrong truth.